On This Day

The past few days have been an adjustment period, and at times, it's the easiest thing in the world, but at other times, I don't want to adjust myself. I still struggle with the things that I had been struggling with, but there are definitely times when I just doubt that I can make a full comeback. Part of me doesn't want to leave the way things have been, because I know that leaving those things go under the aspect of leaving behind a short term enjoyment for a long term goal. The thing is, I have had to turn around from this because every aspect of life was affected, and I'm starting to get one part back together, but I don't wanna give up another part. It's definitely the part I struggled with the most, and even though a specific kid involved is out of the picture, I still have the want to look for it in that general area. I know that the things they were giving me can be found in others. This is not good, because there are many people who actually tell me they will help me with those problems, but not in the way that I need to be helped. I know the best thing I can do is to separate myself from the situation completely, but when I start to think about the things that caused me problems, my mind wanders so much, and I don't like it. I have been overly tired, and it's because I think so much, that I can't seem to stop sleeping. My thoughts constantly race, and the true problem is the fact that I let my mind go where ever it wants to, because I can't let myself just sit there blankly. My thoughts race through my head, and it causes me stress, and then I can't sleep at night, which just makes everything worse because I zone out more, and when I zone out, I get lost in thought, and can't help what comes. I want to stop, but something keeps me from stopping it. I have also noticed that these thoughts also start to sadden me, because when I start to think, I start to think about the fact that most of my good frineds are either not around anymore, or are not available all the time. I haven't had anyone to talk to about my stress, and no matter what happens I can't stop stressing about it. Also, when I start to stress about these things, they trigger the fact that I keep looking for something like that in the wrong places. Though I'm not sure how the place I know I want to look will help me with that situation, because I don't understand why giving it to that place doesn't help me to stop stressing. This is just not right. I want to stop the stress, but I can't. I didn't choose the stressful life, the stressful life chose me, to use a Tupac quote to tell you how it is.


I hope things get better quick, and I might use this place to vent a lot.. I don't know. We'll see.

Love you guys