I know it may not have seemed like it all week, but I've been severely stressed out this week. The thoughts that have been running though my head have been screaming at me really hard lately, and I know there is something I can do to get them to stop.
The only thing I can do is stop being so scared of the things of this world, and finally say what I need to say. I've said it many, many times, and I'll say it again. I don't understand why the things of this world scare me so much
I've finally realized that I am way too hard on myself. I have a tendency to get down on myself if I don't do something, be it doing it right, or not at all. This is not just in sports, or at home. I believe that I've been getting more and more down on myself this week because I've made it my goal to finally get what I need to say out before the end of the next YoungLife club. The only problem is, it just seems that the longer I wait, the harder it gets. All I really want to do is ask a freaking question! Is that too much to ask of myself? Apparently it is..
I have taken all of the confidence I have in Christ, and tried to put it on myself. I've been trying to get this thing done without Him. What a shocker, I'm failing..... Epically. I really need to stop trying to do it on my own, and give it all up to the Lord, and let Him do the work in me. There is a lot that I have been trying to do on my own, and I'm glad that I've come to this realization. I don't understand why I've been struggling so much with this stuff, even though I can go out and preach it like it's my job.
So yeah, I am very tired of trying to do it all by myself, and thinking that I can get away with doing it alone. I must be crazy to think that I even stand half of a chance out in the world with any situation if I am not constantly trying to glorify God with everything that I am doing. I must be crazy to think that I even stand a chance with talking to this one person without trying to keep Him in the center of my life. Matthew 6:33 says "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all other things will be given to you". I'm done with seeking my own satisfaction. I'm done with just trying to do it myself. I'm going to do whatever it takes to remember that He is where my confidence lies, and whenever I forget him when my heart starts chasing someone, it's only headed to failure.
All I know is, I'm going to try to loosen up on myself for a bit. I've just been too stressed about the fact that I am a freaking scaredy cat and won't simply ask someone a question. How much time should this take? Well, it's going on 2 months in a few days, and I think that it's time that I stopped thinking about it, and just started doing it.
May as well get it done with sooner before the time is done right?
I love you. You may or may not know who you are yet, but even if you think it's not you. You may be right, you may be wrong. A simple question is all it takes. Yeah, hard to think about, that coming from me. I really need to learn to practice what I preach. It may come in handy one day,
So, my friend said she was tempted to tell said girl about it. I'm glad she didn't, but I really think that if I go to wait too long, then it's just a matter of time til she does. I'm scared about that too.
That's all for tonight. I'm feeling less stressed, but still thinking that the help of my good friend will be....Well, helpful.
I love you guys.
TJ
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