On This Day

The past few days have been an adjustment period, and at times, it's the easiest thing in the world, but at other times, I don't want to adjust myself. I still struggle with the things that I had been struggling with, but there are definitely times when I just doubt that I can make a full comeback. Part of me doesn't want to leave the way things have been, because I know that leaving those things go under the aspect of leaving behind a short term enjoyment for a long term goal. The thing is, I have had to turn around from this because every aspect of life was affected, and I'm starting to get one part back together, but I don't wanna give up another part. It's definitely the part I struggled with the most, and even though a specific kid involved is out of the picture, I still have the want to look for it in that general area. I know that the things they were giving me can be found in others. This is not good, because there are many people who actually tell me they will help me with those problems, but not in the way that I need to be helped. I know the best thing I can do is to separate myself from the situation completely, but when I start to think about the things that caused me problems, my mind wanders so much, and I don't like it. I have been overly tired, and it's because I think so much, that I can't seem to stop sleeping. My thoughts constantly race, and the true problem is the fact that I let my mind go where ever it wants to, because I can't let myself just sit there blankly. My thoughts race through my head, and it causes me stress, and then I can't sleep at night, which just makes everything worse because I zone out more, and when I zone out, I get lost in thought, and can't help what comes. I want to stop, but something keeps me from stopping it. I have also noticed that these thoughts also start to sadden me, because when I start to think, I start to think about the fact that most of my good frineds are either not around anymore, or are not available all the time. I haven't had anyone to talk to about my stress, and no matter what happens I can't stop stressing about it. Also, when I start to stress about these things, they trigger the fact that I keep looking for something like that in the wrong places. Though I'm not sure how the place I know I want to look will help me with that situation, because I don't understand why giving it to that place doesn't help me to stop stressing. This is just not right. I want to stop the stress, but I can't. I didn't choose the stressful life, the stressful life chose me, to use a Tupac quote to tell you how it is.


I hope things get better quick, and I might use this place to vent a lot.. I don't know. We'll see.

Love you guys

I Got Served

I have been dealing with a familiar problem, and I've been trying to hide it. Well today, I have been shown that hiding a problem isn't going to get me anywhere, and so I've been open about it. Told people who now know, and can help me. I've started to talk to God about it, and the results are.. well, shocking.

I have had to tell the people involved in the problem that I have had a problem, and the way they are taking it has really made me happy. They're more understanding, and even though I think that it's a temporary accepting, I've been told otherwise, and that I can know it's fine. I think it's the Lord working to make everything better overall, but the best part is, I've started my way back into the way things need to be.

I am not going to put this out for everyone, but if you're that interested, just ask me about it, chances are, I'll tell you.

All I can say is it's to God's glory that this happened, and I know things will turn out the way they should.

Meanwhile, it's with a sweetly broken, and wholly surrendered heart, that I say thanks to the Lord for saving me... again

I love you guys,


"At the Cross You, beckon me.
Draw me gently, to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I am
Sweetly Broken. Wholly Surrendered."

Lead Me

Lead me, with strong hands. When I can't do this, you can do it too. It goes both ways. Stand up when I can't. Even if I'm falling down, don't let me bring you down. Even so, if you're falling, know that I'll stand up, and be there to help you up. Don't leave me hungry for love. Be there to comfort, and to help me, and show me the way, and I also have the ability to do the same. Don't do something to show me any different from how you feel. I won't let my emotions change the game for you. Chasing dreams, but what about us? It's a good thing to go after what you believe, and don't let someone stop you from doing so, but remember to at least let me know if it's our last goodbye. Nothing can keep the mind from something you care about more than anything. Show me, you're willing to fight. Even though the past few weeks have not been good for us, I know I am willing to fight to keep it, so I would like you to try and fight too, as long as you're still where I think you are, and if not, tell me. That I'm still the love of your life. The way I've felt is just what you know. You have told me a certain thing, but it seems a heart has changed. If you don't have that same fire, then tell me, so it's not a fight for naught. I know we call this our home, we have said that this is how we feel. I'm sure if it on my part, and I want to know if you feel sure of it as well. But I still feel alone. It seems the fire has faded, on both sides, but my heart hasn't changed. It's time to show the true feeling, because a person's true colors come out in a hard time.

For any of you that know where I got some of the words in here, I know it's out of context, but it applies to how I feel right now. For those who don't, you may or may not figure it out.

Anyone who knows who I am, knows that I am a fighter. I don't let go easily, and I will only do so if I know there's more pain than gain. I feel like this is the most accurate way to show how I feel, and I want to be as straightforward as I can be.

I love you.
TJ

Truth

It's not the circumstances that determine who you're going to be. Whatever you're going through in life does not make you who you are. The things that happen in your life that you can not control can not define you. My current situation is like that. Completely out of my control. The thing that is good, is that not only do I have basically hoards of people behind me, but the situation can not define who I am. Nothing that you can't control defines who you are going to be. The flip side is, it can't define you, if you don't let it. If you allow those things to define you, then it will. You can't let those things define you. The reason that things you can control define you is because you have to make a choice when dealing with those things, just like you have a choice to let the uncontrollable things define you. You don't have a choice on whether controllable things define you or not, but you do have a choice on how it defines you. If you choose to do the stupid decision, you define yourself in that. If your choice is to either play football, or to play soccer, if they are in the same season, your choice defines you. It makes a difference, no matter what. How it defines you is how you choose. Just like with the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, when it places you in a house, you are defined by the "codes" of that house, or how it carries itself. Your house is chosen by you as well. You make that decision, like Harry made that decision. If you choose football, you will be defined as a muscle-head, or a total jock. If you choose soccer, you will be defined by some as a "Field fairy", or something. The point is, when something is in your control, you will be labeled. The choice is yours, which label do you want?

Yup

TJ


Y-A-W-Y-A-W
You are who you associate with

Sold Out to Worship

Okay, some of you know that I haven't exactly been in a great time recently, but this is just something that came across my mind.

When you're at church, bible study, campaigners, youth group, or whatever, and you're starting the time off with worship, why aren't we all just sold out at that point? Myself included. I'm just saying, there are many reasons why we should worship the Lord, probably with more freedom than we would if we were by ourselves, when we're with a group of people.

Reason 1: You're only worshiping the God of the Universe here, people! I don't have to tell you this, but in all honesty, He created you, and all your friends, and everything you know. Good and bad. It's amazing how that doesn't make us excited anyway. Also, He is the reason we can worship anyway! So why don't we worship Him completely sold out to His love? He's done so much for us, we could at least act joyful at the fact that we can worship Him.

Reason 2: Energy flows freely. I believe that if we were to start being sold out when we worship, then we could spark something, and next thing you know, everyone is sold out! I know that personally if I see someone I am friends with worshiping Him freely, then I am more likely to start worshiping freely. Maybe it's time we started being sold out in worship. People will get more hype when they see other people getting hype. It's just how the system works. I would love nothing more than to see a whole room of people freely worshiping the Lord.... Well, prayer overnight doesn't count haha.

Reason 3: The point of worship is to focus on God. What better why to get focused on the Lord than to be sold out to Him in worship? Not only will it help you focus on Him, but I do believe that it will help you want to be more sold out for Him. It's like a good breakfast in the morning. It gets things started out right. I think that more people would be focused if we were sold out in worship to the Lord

So yeah, being sold out in worship isn't an easy thing to do, but there are many good reasons we should be.

I love you guys!
TJ


"You are Lord of Lords
You are King of Kings
You are mighty, God
Lord of everything
You're Emmanuel
You're the great I AM
You're the Prince of Peace
Who is the Lamb
You're the living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are Ancient of Days
You are Alpha, Omega
Beginning and End
You're my Savior, Messiah
Redeemer, and friend.
You're my Prince of Peace, and I will live my life for you!