Going Without Knowing

My Young Life leader and I were hanging out yesterday, when it dawned on me. I need something that will help me want to spend time in the Word and really get to know it. I never really used a devotional book before, with the exception of the little booklet we had while at Work Crew before, and I thought about asking for one for Christman. I still will probably do that, but my Young Life leader looked at me, and told me to take one of his old ones... Score!

The book is called "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. I've read two pages of it so far, and I really like the insight that I have gotten from looking at what the man says about certain different situations, and especially passages from the Bible. It's pretty sweet.

Today when I was reading, the verse it gave me was from Hebrews 11:8 - "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
I think this is awesome. The whole verse is out of context, but we were focusing on the last part "...obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." He went there out of full sacrifice to God's will. He wanted whatever it is that God was going to give him, so he just went. He didn't know where he was going, how long it would take, or what he might have to go through in order to get there. The point is, he went without question.

Another thing that the devotional went into has to do with people wanting to know what God's will is, or what He is going to do with something. The thing is, God's never going to tell you ahead of time what He is going to do specifically. If He did, we would probably be lulled into a sense of an ideal Christian walk. If we didn't want to be a part of something He was doing, we would listen to His plan, and go far away, because it would be difficult for us, or require a lot of sacrifice that we don't want to give up. This is the reason He doesn't tell us ahead of time. It forces us to make the decision to follow Him willingly or not. We can't make the decision based upon what we know, but by how much faith we really have in God. If we go out like Abraham, and just go with faith without really knowing where we're going or what's going to happen to us, our faith in God will be even greater afterwards. We will also be able to come closer to Him. We can walk in faith and soon, there will be nothing separating us from God spiritually. Not just when we go see Him in heaven.

I just thought it was something cool to think about.

TJ

You're Worth It

One thing that I have had a lot of issues with recently is how I view myself. I don't like to tell myself how important I think I am, or build myself up, because it breeds cockiness. Or at least, I think it can. Even so, if I did like to build myself up, I never really needed to. I always had a bunch of people telling me how much they cared for me, or they would be building me up. I have the best friends in the world, and I don't get to talk to them anymore because they have mostly all gone to college and started the beginning of their adult lives. They are gone, and I've adapted to it.

After my last year of school with them was over, I went off to Work Crew. Where I was in the same place for a month with people who did nothing but tell everyone what a good job they were all doing, because they were literally the best people ever. We all became such great friends, and even now, about 6 months after we've all been home and then some have gone to college, or their separate ways, we are all great friends. We tell each other how much we love each other all the time. I love that, because that is what makes life great. Thing is, now that I don't get to talk to them one on one very often, I have kind of lost it a little, and talking with them, let alone being able to see one of them would just make my year! I'm used to having people around me all the time to tell me good news or something.

After I got back though, it seemed everything was over.


I didn't think I had that many people who would be my real friends anymore. I had a few friends still in Roanoke, that I barely get to see, and if I do see them it's not really ever getting anywhere in which we can really get intentional with each other. We can't be as real as I'm used to, and I miss that.

Here's the thing I didn't realize then that I realize now, that I don't understand why it didn't come to me sooner.



The God that I had last year, that told me I am the salt of the earth, the light of the world, and so many other great things, was the same God at Work Crew, and even now, the same. He is not gone, so why do I still act like I need to seek man's approval? I think it's because I've fallen into the trap of taking God for granted. The fact that He died for me to be able to take away my sin. The fact He rose again 3 days later for me to be able to have a real relationship with Him. He's alive, and with me every day. I think I could really use a little refresher, and part of my problem could be that I don't really ever see our groups talking about these things anymore. I know that God's word will never fail, but I think that one of the reasons that I got through things like Work Crew and the first three years of high school is because we constantly looked into the Word to be able to see what God says He loves about us.

Genesis 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
The first sentence in that verse tells us one of the best things ever. God created us in His image. He loves us so much that we were made in His image to look like Him. Another thing he did was He gave us the entire earth to rule over. We would rule over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky and all the animals of the world. He trusts us enough to give us free reign over everything He just created. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Psalm 139:13 -14, 17, 18
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”
This one of the most well known Psalms there are. It's so refreshing though. God literally was forming us while our mothers were pregnant with us. We were still be shaped by Him, before we even had a personality or and idea of what life really is. Even more, it says so in this verse that God makes more thoughts of us than He does grains of sand on the earth! I'm no math major, but there are A LOT of grains of sand. This just tells us straight up that it's a lot.

Isaiah 49:15-16
“Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.”
This is one of those verses which God tells us that even if it were possible for a mother to seriously not have any love for her own child, that He would still love us perfectly. He tells us that our names are each written on the palms of His hands. For me, that's one of the greatest things to hear.

Luke 12: 6-7
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
The Lord knows so much about us that He even knows how many hairs are on your head. For some, that might not be many, but I know at least for me, that's a lot of hair! One of the silly things, but it's still truth.

1 John 3:1
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”
If there isn't a verse that sums it all up better, this would have to be it. We are God's Children, and even though it says the people of the world don't know us, it still says that God loves us so much that He calls us His children. I think that's a win.

Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us
The Lord has made us conquerors. "Of what?" you ask? Well He made us conquerors over death, because He Himself conquered in with Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. We are conquerors over the earth, becaue like I said earlier, God's people were the ones chosen to rule over the earth. We are also conquerors over sin, and the devil. Because we have Jesus Christ working in our lives, we are no longer bound by the bondage of slavery, or sin. Satan can not harm us, death can not hold us.

I just think this could definitely help someone out. I know I've needed it

As One Chapter Ends, Another Begins

Well our season is over, along with likely most of the senior class' football career. We gave it a good run, and this concludes my time as a Cave Spring Knight football player. I wrote in my notebook last night about the memories I have as a football player. Starting with my first year at Hidden Valley Middle School. I'm not going to pull out my notebook in order to write exactly what I have, but I will say a bit about each year.

Before I do that though, I want to send a thank you to my friends who were behind me the entire season. Along with a special thanks to my great fellow friend, student, athlete, whose senior season ended a while back. She gave me a lot of good advice, and said some things that could not be more true until I went through it, and it sure enough was right. Our seasons basically ended in the same fashion. The ball the sport uses hitting the ground one last time.  She definitely helped me start my process of "getting over it" for lack of a better way to put it. Thanks, you're the best.


8th grade, HVMS: This was my first year in football. I had always said I was going to play, and I didn't really know much about how it worked. I know about shoulder pads, and helmets, but every other pad we had to put in was like, confusing to me. I learned quickly though. We picked out our numbers, and I proceeded to take my number for the year. Which was the number 80. I wanted to be a wide receiver and a safety. I was then told I was too short to play either, so I had to settle for D-Line. Weighing 125lbs, I don't know why I was a D-lineman, but I was. I didn't play much, but I didn't expect to. I worked my tail off, and tried as best I could. Ended this season 5-3. I had a lot of fun.

9th grade- First year at CSHS: I didn't want to move, but I didn't have a choice, so I just went with it and started playing football in order to meet a few people, and because I didn't want to have a 1 season career. I didn't know many people, but the few people I did know helped me to adapt quickly. Having my brother there with me helped a little bit. I loved the JV coaches, and the varsity coaches were pretty cool, I just never really had much to do with them. I picked out my varisty number of 57, because it was the only number left. I didn't like it, but I took it. JV numbers didn't need to be the same, and because I played Running Back, I wanted a different number. I picked my number, which I continued to have until Friday. The number 42. I played a bit, and some thought I should quit, others thought I would fill out. It just depended on my choice. JV ended at 3-6, and Varsity took me to my first playoff run. Ending the season as regional champions, and a record of 10-3. The work began in January.

10th grade. CSHS: This was probably my best season. I had worked hard in the offseason to work on the things I needed to work on. I had been determined to have a starting position on JV at least, and I wanted to be a transitional player, going up to Varsity like a few of the then Juniors did the year before. I made my goal, and then had a pretty decent year. I went on to score 2 touchdowns in a real game, 1 in a scrimmage. Blocking a punt, and make tackles, and rushing yards, and almost everything else you can do in football.  I even had my fair share of penalties. I even had receiving yards on Varsity, which was a great feeling for me. JV ended 3-6 again I think, either that or 4-5 I don't remember. Varsity went on to go 8-4, which was good.

11th Grade. PHHS. A.K.A. the half season: I moved again, this time away from a place where I felt the best I could be. I didn't want to move any more than I had wanted to move to Cave Spring, and I felt the same way about football. I didn't wanna leave Cave Spring, because I had learned so much about myself there, and I knew it would be much different at PH. I did special teams stuff, and finally, I had grown sick of the coaches, and the people there, so I stopped playing. This was not fun, and I don't like that I had to, but I don't regret it for a second. This move was great for me spiritually. I just didn't have fun playing football.
Cave Spring football went 8-4 again. PH ended at 7-3, not making playoffs because they didn't have a tough schedule.

12 grade. CSHS. Senior year: This was the last season I could have. I would not be playing college football most likely, and so I knew I only had one year to make the best of what I could. I knew I would be coming back to a familiar team, and familiar faces. Minus my defensive line coach, who would be taking a head coaching position at Lord Botetourt High School. This would pose a problem for me because I had a lot of success under this coach, because he was alwasys pushing me to work harder. Not knowing who was going to coach me at defensive line kind of put me on a defensive standpoint, because I had a few issues with new people in the recent months. After I had learned who was going to coach me, I was kind of alright, but things went bad. We had trouble getting me to practice in the Summer, which I knew would end when school started, but my family still had trouble getting me to school. This year was not going the way I planned. Eventually things just stayed and leveled out. I did special teams, and some offense and defense, but nothing major. This year was not what I wanted it to be in the middle, but it changed into what I pictured it being at the end, We ended aat 7-6. Not our best, but not as bad as we were supposed to be. Still going to playoffs, and winning our first two games. We could have gone farther, but that was not the plan the Lord had



I've had a great career, and there is definitely nothing to be ashamed of. I've always been told that how you view yourself is going to affect how you do in life. I've always envisioned myself as a winner. With a total overall record(Varsity and middle school only) of 38-20. Which gives a winning percentage of .655, I'd say it's a winning career. The other side, I have learned more about myself through football than almost every other thing I have done. Definitely more than any other sport I have ever done. My career may be over, but that's also if I don't decide to try and walk on, and even if I do, I would have to impress people in order to be able to continue. We shall see where it goes, but it's likely the end of my career.

It's been fun. I was going to have pictures from the years, but they will come later.

The Time Has Come

The surreal fact that is basically a forgone conclusion really came into a reality a few days ago. I watched 3 of my friends crying because they had lost their last game, and their season was over. Those 3 specifically, their careers could all be over. Watching that made me realize that what I've said about 4000 times this year is more true. We're seniors. It is the last chance. We've all worked our tails off in order to make it to where we are, and people have watched us grow up. To have your season end so abrubtly, and worse yet, with a loss, is the absolute worst. I know that the first of 2 seasons this year is almost over. Never to come back. If we lose tomorrow, it's over. If we win, we live to fight another week.


I know that we aren't exactly the favorite to win this game, let alone win a state championship. We can do it though. I would love to say that my senior year was the first year that a Cave Spring Football team made it to the state championship. I know that it could be over though. Knowing that I have almost no chance to strap up the football pads again, or put on another helmet, so long as I live. It's a reality I need to face

I'm gonna make the most of every second I can. As I figured out, it could be taken away, even if we are not supposed to lose.

The end of soccer season is going to be terrible. I know my athletic career is almost done with, and I can say I've enjoyed myself. Given it my all, and gotten everything I can out of every experience. I know that once I have a child, that I will teach him/her to make the most of everything, and even tell him/her to learn from where I made mistakes. I want to make the most of everything I have in front of me, rather than regretting the things that I did or did not do in the past.

I want to move forward in the right way, but I don't want to move too quickly.


I love you guys

TJ

Crazy Things

Yesterday, before Young Life club started, a few of the leaders were talking. One of the leaders at ym school told us about this kid who I have known since I was a freshman, that  is a great guy t hang out with and talk to, but I never thought I would once see him at Young Life. Mez told us all that he thought th same way. He never thought the kid would show up, but sure enough, yesterday, that very same kid was at club. This sole event happening makes the question in my head come up... Why do we question what God can do?

God has shown Himself to us in many different ways this year, the only reason we don't see Him is because we're probably not looking. I know that i have been very guilty of not looking for God in the things that I do, or in the places I go. He's there though. I heard this song when I was on the way to homeocming with my date. The song is called "I Saw God Today" by George Strait. The lyrics that I heard that really stood out to me weree the first few lnes of the chorus which goes like this:
I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's there
I just don't look
Near as often as I should"

That is just the first half of the chorus, but that is the part that took me in. How true is it of us, that we don't look for God as often as we should? Well, in this particular event, it didn't take a lot of looking to know that God must have been behind this kid getting there. I know that if the kid enjoyed himself, he'd be back. Sadly, I haven't seen him today, so I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him about it, but I will probably see him tomorrow, so God-willing, I will definitely be talking to him.

I think one thing that we can do is that we should really try to look for God in every single day that we live. I know that I am definitely not looking for God in everything that I do, but I really should. I wanna be able to go out, and say that I am lookinjg for God in everyhting that I do. I wanna be able to see God in a whole new way, in every aspect of my life.

I think that if we really looked for God in everything that we do, we could really see a lot of growth in our spiritual life. When we start to look for God, we will find Him, an when that happens He will show us the things tha He wants to teach us through whatever we are doing at that very point in time.

One of the things that God has shown me recently is that just because we aren't struggling, doesn't mean we're not growing, and also just because we're struggling, does not mean we are not growing. It is something that really makes much more sense than you think. When you struggle with something physically, you come out better than you came in. Therefore, you grew. With your spiritual struggles, it is the same way. You can grow the most when you actually struggle with things like sin. The Lord uses our struggles to make us better.

Hope y'all have a good day

Different

We are all different in our own way. Many of us are either athletic, brainy, or somewhere in the middle. There are many differet people in the schools we go to. In my school, Cave Spring, we have a lot of people that are much different from what we are. The band people are different from the football players, and they are different from the cheerleaders, and those are different from the soccer player.. Well typically they do. There are many different social groups that go together to do these certain things. As I'm sure anyone can tell you, there is no way that I am from the same social group of guys like the Knight, or the kids who are on the team who are either party-goers, or the kids who show themselves off more than any other person. There are many different social statuses on the football team, and I'm glad to say that I'm from the one that is a Christian. The problem is, I have to make sure I follow Christ first, which is a struggle, but that's another topic.

Today, we had an FCA meeting that I almost forgot about. If it werent' for the Seymours walking by me, I would have totally forgotten. I'm so glad that I happened to walk right by them though. While at FCA. Drew talked about how there are many different social groups that come together for each sport. The sad truth that occurs in every single team, is that outside of that sport, or whatever, most of those people never really talk to each other. There are people on the football team, that if it weren't for football, I would never talk to... Ever. In fact, most of the people on the football team are like that with me. There aren't that many people on the football team that I am very good friends with. Most of the reason for this could be because I was not in middle school with them or maybe it's because when I came here, they made me mad, so I didn't talk to them, or maybe my move to PH caused a riff. I can't explain why this is, but there is a definite riff between me and the other guys on the team. To be completely honest, it probably has something to do with the fact that I go to Young Life. I know that it shouldn't be that big a deal, but it really gives people a reason to not like you apparently. I don't understand it, but it is a possibility.

The main point behind Drew's talk is that there are many opportunities on these athletic teams to reach out to, or love those people. On the football team for the past few years, I have had countless opportunities to reach out to kids for the sake of Jesus Christ. I don't know why, but I haven't really taken many of those opportunities. There have been about 63 people per year that I could talk to about Jesus, but I didn't with most of them. There are about 50 to 60 this year that I could talk to in general, not even about Christ, but I could talk to them about that too. So why don't I? Is it because I am afraid of what they're going to think of me if I do? Is it because I just plain don't like some of them, and that keeps me from talking to them? If there is any reason for me to not talk to them, it's because some of them make me mad, and I just need to pray for them, and let the Lord work through them. There are many underclassmen that I don't really know. There are a lot of freshman on the JV team that I haven't gotten to know. Yeah, I know most of their names, and I could tell you who most of them are, but I don't really know them. I haven't taken an honest minute to really reach out, and get to know them. I know that when I was a freshman, that's all I wanted. I wanted someone to reach out to me, and show me the way things went. There were many people who did that for me. Why am I not doing the same thing for these freshman?

Going to the soccer team, there are about 18 people per year on both the JV and Varsity soccer teams respectively. That's 36 total people that I could use my time to really get to know, and love who they are. I could spend the year worrying about how well I'm going to do, or I could spend the year trying to be a true leader. Granted, with the soccer team, I don't get to see many of the JV kids every day, like I do the varsity kids, but I still know who they are. I need to make it my goal to be more of a leader, and to really show people that there is more to life than football, or soccer. or whatever else it is that we are doing together.

I just read one of my good friend's posts.. She and I are in the same boat.. We're seniors on each of our resepective teams. She's doing Volleyball, track, and soccer from what I know. I'm only doing football and soccer. The next 3 games that we still have to play are the last 3 games that I will ever wear a football jersey. There is no college ball for me. There is no next level. It's the next three games, and I'm done. With soccer, I only have one season. This is likely my last year to participate in school sponsored sports. Why don't I make the most of it, and show people that there is no place for divisions on the team. I need to show them that it doesn't matter if you come from the party group, the Young Life group, or the socially awkward group. It doesn't matter that some of the guys on the team don't much care for Jesus Christ, or that there are those on he team who would do anything to show their faith. We need to come together on the field, and use that to become a great team.

There are many reasons that there should not be divisions on a team. Whether that team is a football team, a soccer team, a volleyball team, or even a track team. It doesn't really play much into track, unless you run a relay race, or something like that, but when you are divided on a team, you tend to not want to use the whole team. When you have divisions on the team, each side of the divide tends to think that the people on their side are "better" than those on the other, even if they really aren't. In the football mindset, if there are divisions on the team, it can cause people to think that someone isn't as good, and that will cause problems if something doesn't go well on a play come Friday night. If a play gets completely blown up, like the other team scores a touchdown, or gets an interception, or something like that, there is likely to be finger pointing, or something like that. Which just leads to more problems which will in turn, lead to a loss. That is just the football method. In a soccer mindset, if there are divisions among the people on the 11 people who are on the field at any given time, one person might not play another one the ball, just because they don't like them. They might always look to play it to one specific person because they view that person as "better" even if the person they don't like would be a smarter ball to play. That can not only cause the ball to get intercepted by the other team, but if done on the wrong third of the field, can lead to a ball in the back of your own net... No one likes that feeling. Everyone needs to be in sync, because when everyone is playing the right ball, you will start to see more balls flying into the back of the opponents net, or a good run or pass that goes in the end zone for six points. In the track relay mindset, if you aren't in sync with the 2 people in the relay that you deal with immediately, there can be a miscue, and you could either have a bad handoff, or even drop the baton. That can also cause problems with the person you don't deal with. If it's between the 1st and 2nd legs, they can cause the race to slow for the 34d and 4th people, and any other combination. I know from being the first leg in the 4x100 relay 5 years ago that if me and the guy I handed of to messed up, the other two guys were then under more pressure. If he and I had a clean handoff, but then he and the 3rd guy didn't have a good one, I can then be stressed because we were probably in the lead.

The point is, we can't afford, as athletes, to let divisions hurt the team. We can't have our own thing going because that is almost never the thing that the team would have you do. Everyone needs to beo n the same page if you want your team goals to be able to be reached.

For the seniors, it is our last chance. We don't have another year to spend on ourselves. Let's kill the divisions in the team because you will regret not getting to know your team mates.


I hope y'all have a good day!

TJ

Lost and Insecure

I've noticed that I do much more thinking recently than normal. I think about everything that's going on, the things that I have to go through, the things that others have to go through and I wonder why things are going the way they are. Why do I think so much though? I loved it when I didn't have to think about anything in the world, but yet, I could still be happy, and not have a problem getting my life on track. Now that I think so much, I can't help but to come across the thoughts of how bad my outlook on myself is. I think about the way things used to be, and see how they are now, and I don't get what changed between now and then, but I am not happy with the way things are. This struggle is a completely different struggle. The only person that I have to talk to whenever I talk to him, is my youth pastor. Everyone else that I can talk to lives in other places, and has their own schedule. I can't interrupt them to talk about me. I guess that the other thing that I have to say is that my mind is working double overtime. I not only overthink everything that I think about. I also have to deal with the fact that I think about a whole bunch of things. Yesterday a whole new concept came to me, and now I'm being forced to think about what I'm going to do there. It is very annoying. I just want this constant thinking to stop. I can't believe that I went from no stress at all, to all the stress in the world. I don't want to have the stress, but I can't help myself in not wanting to let go of everything that I don't really need. The things that I want to do need to be put on hold for a while, until the things in the situation are done with. The problem is, more problems keep coming on. The only lucky thing is that I have the Lord. I honestly have no idea what I am going to do, but in this sense, I wouldn't know what I would even have if I didn't have Him. If He didn't love me enough to show me that I am still worth it to Him, and if He didn't show me every day how much He loves me, then I seriously would never know what I would do. In there is the only place that I can look. No, I can't say that I have been happy, or joyful recently. I have so much trouble with thinking of the things that the Lord tells me. I know that I can quote things that the Bible says the Lord thinks of me, but I know that it's so much harder than that, because I am not a perfect person.

This is the one thing I know I need. The Lord found me. Now there's nothing I can't do. I am trying to better myself mentally. Things are hard, but the Lord makes them easier.

On This Day

The past few days have been an adjustment period, and at times, it's the easiest thing in the world, but at other times, I don't want to adjust myself. I still struggle with the things that I had been struggling with, but there are definitely times when I just doubt that I can make a full comeback. Part of me doesn't want to leave the way things have been, because I know that leaving those things go under the aspect of leaving behind a short term enjoyment for a long term goal. The thing is, I have had to turn around from this because every aspect of life was affected, and I'm starting to get one part back together, but I don't wanna give up another part. It's definitely the part I struggled with the most, and even though a specific kid involved is out of the picture, I still have the want to look for it in that general area. I know that the things they were giving me can be found in others. This is not good, because there are many people who actually tell me they will help me with those problems, but not in the way that I need to be helped. I know the best thing I can do is to separate myself from the situation completely, but when I start to think about the things that caused me problems, my mind wanders so much, and I don't like it. I have been overly tired, and it's because I think so much, that I can't seem to stop sleeping. My thoughts constantly race, and the true problem is the fact that I let my mind go where ever it wants to, because I can't let myself just sit there blankly. My thoughts race through my head, and it causes me stress, and then I can't sleep at night, which just makes everything worse because I zone out more, and when I zone out, I get lost in thought, and can't help what comes. I want to stop, but something keeps me from stopping it. I have also noticed that these thoughts also start to sadden me, because when I start to think, I start to think about the fact that most of my good frineds are either not around anymore, or are not available all the time. I haven't had anyone to talk to about my stress, and no matter what happens I can't stop stressing about it. Also, when I start to stress about these things, they trigger the fact that I keep looking for something like that in the wrong places. Though I'm not sure how the place I know I want to look will help me with that situation, because I don't understand why giving it to that place doesn't help me to stop stressing. This is just not right. I want to stop the stress, but I can't. I didn't choose the stressful life, the stressful life chose me, to use a Tupac quote to tell you how it is.


I hope things get better quick, and I might use this place to vent a lot.. I don't know. We'll see.

Love you guys

I Got Served

I have been dealing with a familiar problem, and I've been trying to hide it. Well today, I have been shown that hiding a problem isn't going to get me anywhere, and so I've been open about it. Told people who now know, and can help me. I've started to talk to God about it, and the results are.. well, shocking.

I have had to tell the people involved in the problem that I have had a problem, and the way they are taking it has really made me happy. They're more understanding, and even though I think that it's a temporary accepting, I've been told otherwise, and that I can know it's fine. I think it's the Lord working to make everything better overall, but the best part is, I've started my way back into the way things need to be.

I am not going to put this out for everyone, but if you're that interested, just ask me about it, chances are, I'll tell you.

All I can say is it's to God's glory that this happened, and I know things will turn out the way they should.

Meanwhile, it's with a sweetly broken, and wholly surrendered heart, that I say thanks to the Lord for saving me... again

I love you guys,


"At the Cross You, beckon me.
Draw me gently, to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love, I am
Sweetly Broken. Wholly Surrendered."

Lead Me

Lead me, with strong hands. When I can't do this, you can do it too. It goes both ways. Stand up when I can't. Even if I'm falling down, don't let me bring you down. Even so, if you're falling, know that I'll stand up, and be there to help you up. Don't leave me hungry for love. Be there to comfort, and to help me, and show me the way, and I also have the ability to do the same. Don't do something to show me any different from how you feel. I won't let my emotions change the game for you. Chasing dreams, but what about us? It's a good thing to go after what you believe, and don't let someone stop you from doing so, but remember to at least let me know if it's our last goodbye. Nothing can keep the mind from something you care about more than anything. Show me, you're willing to fight. Even though the past few weeks have not been good for us, I know I am willing to fight to keep it, so I would like you to try and fight too, as long as you're still where I think you are, and if not, tell me. That I'm still the love of your life. The way I've felt is just what you know. You have told me a certain thing, but it seems a heart has changed. If you don't have that same fire, then tell me, so it's not a fight for naught. I know we call this our home, we have said that this is how we feel. I'm sure if it on my part, and I want to know if you feel sure of it as well. But I still feel alone. It seems the fire has faded, on both sides, but my heart hasn't changed. It's time to show the true feeling, because a person's true colors come out in a hard time.

For any of you that know where I got some of the words in here, I know it's out of context, but it applies to how I feel right now. For those who don't, you may or may not figure it out.

Anyone who knows who I am, knows that I am a fighter. I don't let go easily, and I will only do so if I know there's more pain than gain. I feel like this is the most accurate way to show how I feel, and I want to be as straightforward as I can be.

I love you.
TJ

Truth

It's not the circumstances that determine who you're going to be. Whatever you're going through in life does not make you who you are. The things that happen in your life that you can not control can not define you. My current situation is like that. Completely out of my control. The thing that is good, is that not only do I have basically hoards of people behind me, but the situation can not define who I am. Nothing that you can't control defines who you are going to be. The flip side is, it can't define you, if you don't let it. If you allow those things to define you, then it will. You can't let those things define you. The reason that things you can control define you is because you have to make a choice when dealing with those things, just like you have a choice to let the uncontrollable things define you. You don't have a choice on whether controllable things define you or not, but you do have a choice on how it defines you. If you choose to do the stupid decision, you define yourself in that. If your choice is to either play football, or to play soccer, if they are in the same season, your choice defines you. It makes a difference, no matter what. How it defines you is how you choose. Just like with the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, when it places you in a house, you are defined by the "codes" of that house, or how it carries itself. Your house is chosen by you as well. You make that decision, like Harry made that decision. If you choose football, you will be defined as a muscle-head, or a total jock. If you choose soccer, you will be defined by some as a "Field fairy", or something. The point is, when something is in your control, you will be labeled. The choice is yours, which label do you want?

Yup

TJ


Y-A-W-Y-A-W
You are who you associate with

Sold Out to Worship

Okay, some of you know that I haven't exactly been in a great time recently, but this is just something that came across my mind.

When you're at church, bible study, campaigners, youth group, or whatever, and you're starting the time off with worship, why aren't we all just sold out at that point? Myself included. I'm just saying, there are many reasons why we should worship the Lord, probably with more freedom than we would if we were by ourselves, when we're with a group of people.

Reason 1: You're only worshiping the God of the Universe here, people! I don't have to tell you this, but in all honesty, He created you, and all your friends, and everything you know. Good and bad. It's amazing how that doesn't make us excited anyway. Also, He is the reason we can worship anyway! So why don't we worship Him completely sold out to His love? He's done so much for us, we could at least act joyful at the fact that we can worship Him.

Reason 2: Energy flows freely. I believe that if we were to start being sold out when we worship, then we could spark something, and next thing you know, everyone is sold out! I know that personally if I see someone I am friends with worshiping Him freely, then I am more likely to start worshiping freely. Maybe it's time we started being sold out in worship. People will get more hype when they see other people getting hype. It's just how the system works. I would love nothing more than to see a whole room of people freely worshiping the Lord.... Well, prayer overnight doesn't count haha.

Reason 3: The point of worship is to focus on God. What better why to get focused on the Lord than to be sold out to Him in worship? Not only will it help you focus on Him, but I do believe that it will help you want to be more sold out for Him. It's like a good breakfast in the morning. It gets things started out right. I think that more people would be focused if we were sold out in worship to the Lord

So yeah, being sold out in worship isn't an easy thing to do, but there are many good reasons we should be.

I love you guys!
TJ


"You are Lord of Lords
You are King of Kings
You are mighty, God
Lord of everything
You're Emmanuel
You're the great I AM
You're the Prince of Peace
Who is the Lamb
You're the living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are Ancient of Days
You are Alpha, Omega
Beginning and End
You're my Savior, Messiah
Redeemer, and friend.
You're my Prince of Peace, and I will live my life for you!

The Trials of Life

Something that I have been looking into recently are the trials in life. Whether it be with struggling with temptations, or just sin in general. Be it some traumatic situation came up, the thing that I have been noticing recently isn't what happened, or why it's happening, I've been noticing the way people respond to them.

How you respond to a bad situation says a lot about you in your character, but it also shows where your love really is. Where your heart is. Because, normally, when you start to have a trial, the first thing you go to, normally is where your heart truly lies. For me, I used to just run to my friends. Luckily enough, when I was just starting my walk with Christ, these were also the friends that would point me to Christ, because they knew that I needed to have a good foundation in Him before I could do anything. No matter how many times they did this, it would always happen that I would go back to them for help. I seemed to have a problem with remembering  to look to the Lord first. This would not go away for over 2 years. In fact, the first time I actually ran to the Lord first for something that was on my heart, was at Work Crew. Something about knowing that the friends that I normally told everything not being there for me, and not really knowing yet, who I trusted enough on Work Crew just gave me the sense of, well, it's just me and the Lord. Recently, I have not had any trouble with continuing this. Granted my only trial so far, since I have been home has been like, not having a truck, so I can't go to my own house all the time. That's the biggest one. The thing is, I still went to the Lord before anyone else.

There is something else that has been resting on my heart, but it's more of a blessing than anything else. The fact that He has blessed me with this amazing person, that always helps me remember that I need to look to Him before anything, and my life will change completely. She has completely changed my mindset, and it's all because of the way I feel about her. The Lord put her in my life at this very moment for that very reason. I'm almost certain of it. To help me be reminded that I need to look to Him before anything or anyone else. In the good times, and the bad times. There is nothing better in the world, and there is nothing I would rather have. It's one of the best blessings that I could have asked for! Just knowing that I am wanted to study the Word, and knowing that I need to, and having someone indirectly reminding me that I need Him in each and every day just makes me so joyful.

Now on to the real topic.

The biggest reason I say I have noticed how people respond to trials is because they always look for ways out, or around something. The mindset that if they don't have to deal with it, or if they leave it alone, it will go away, has infected the entire world. The problem that I have found with this is that people who do this, always tend to go to other things in life to deal with the problems. They never really get around to dealing with the problem, and then they create a whole new set of problems for themselves to have to deal with. Something that I have been wrestling with is this mindset in my head. I have had a hard time dealing with some situations in my life, and I don't know how to deal with it. The biggest reason that I need to deal with it, is it could really help my life, both now, and in the future. If you know me, you know that I always want a job. I want to make my own money, so that way I don't have to ask for it. The problem with this is, I never really looked. This was me leaving a hard situation alone, and hoping a magical answer would come down. "Silly TJ, it doesn't work that way!" is what I have heard God telling me recently. He has really shown me that the only way to get through my trials, is to go barging through them. I just read a chapter in the book, "Love Does" by Bob Goff, that talked about how Bob got into law school. I thought it was awesome. The chapter starts with "I used to think God guided us by opening and closing doors. I now know that sometimes God wants us to kick some doors down" Basically, going through our problems, or making our own opportunities. This isn't the easy way to do things, and the other book that I just got done reading which is "Do Hard Things" by Alex and Brett Harris talked about stepping out of our comfort zones and making things happen. Basically, it's time to man up, and kick down that door! Bob sat outside the dean's office for like 10 days or something like that before the dean finally let him go to that school. Bob wasn't taking no for an answer. I pray that this would become something that I get infected with. Something I am so passionate about doing, that nothing, and that means NOTHING will stop me from getting it. I guess that's what I'm doing now haha. Different situation though.

I wanna just use this as an encouragement to those who are struggling with hard times, or trying to get somewhere, but have come to a roadblock. If you are struggling, go at it with full force. Nothing can stop you if you go at it. Especially if you're going at it with the Lord, because He is greater than any problem you could encounter. Don't let whatever bad situation you're in stop you from living your life. Find a solution, and go through with it. It won't be easy, but trust me, it's worth it. You will grow a lot through doing so, and it will help better equip you for when it happens again. For those who are like me, and have a road block in something. Take it one step at a time if you need to, but you also need to go at it with everything you have. If you're like me, and something is just out of your reach, keep jumping for it. Look to the Lord, and He will help you, even if by helping you, you realize that you didn't really want what you thought you wanted. I promise you, He will show you what to do. Sometimes, you just gotta take a leap of faith, and just do it. I'm planning on doing something with it soon.

I promise you, that if you leave a situation alone, like trying to find a job, or trying to do some other thing that you want to do, but you have a roadblock, that it will only get worse. You won't solve the problem you have now, and other ones will just come up in the future. I tell you, you need to act as soon as you can, because if not, it's never gonna happen. You need to swallow your fear, pride, or whatever else, and just go at things. It takes 1 step, and next thing you know, you're taking off.

I also tell you, that if you do go at a hard situation, don't be discouraged. I tell you, you have to MAKE something happen. If you need to, use whatever means necessary to get what you're after (as long as it's legal). Sometimes you need to just grab it. Take it by storm.I promise you you won't be as let down as you think. If you're going at it with the Lord, He will either help you get it, or will help you away from it, giving you something better.

I promise, it's worth it.

Have a good night

I love you
TJ

Work Crew/ Best Month Ever

Okay so this is the story of all the experiences that I had while I was on Work Crew. There were many things, and I'm glad I was able to be a part of it!

Day -1: Fetzer drove me up to Rockbridge, and I was getting more and more excited as he would tell me about the things that he knew I was going to get to do. We arrive at Rockbridge, and stop at the office so I could check in, get my t-shirt, and all that good stuff. Did all of my logistical stuff and after that, we drove over to House Mountain, in order to get me unpacked for the month. Fetz and I chose a bed, though I ended up switching to the top bunk haha, and I was off to help make beds for the camper's cabins. I met this guy named Max, who made beds with me the entire time that we were doing that. People started showing up, and I met a few other people, and it was good. I thought it was a productive start to a great month.

Day 0: We spent all of the day learning our jobs, and performing them to what we could. Learning where everything went after it came out of the Hobart was the hardest challenge here. It came quicker than expected though. Meeting who all was on Pits with me was a great thing too. Joel, the boss was a great guy. He was fun loving, and he had a great attitude, and it seemed he was excited to be there. All of the other people, Johnger, Josh, James, Kara, and Emily seemed excited to get under way. Little did we know that Johnger would soon be moved to server status. The best part about the June 2012 Pitcrew is that 4 of the 5 kids, 4 of 6 if you include Joel, are left handed. It was the first time I had seen a lefty dominance anywhere! All in all, it was a rough day. That night, we had a friend who wanted to tell us a story. So we had our first of 3 "Story Time With Justin" nights. It was an awesome story

Day 1, Week 1: Our first round of campers showed up today. It was a new feeling of excitement for many of us, and I know that all 40ish kids on the work crew was looking forward to it. Some of the pits went outside to help Thomas, the cook at Rockbridge with hot dogs, while the rest of us helped Joel unpack girls luggage. This was not a hard day, even though it did seem to last forever. Still learning where all the things went, and even seeing new dishes confused me. It was the start of a new adventure indeed. We had our second story tonight, though I don't remember much of it.

Day 2 week 1: I don't really recall  much of this day, other than new dishes and getting to see some great stuff. We also had our first Family Time where the entire pitcrew got to sit together and talk about how we were doing. We stopped washing dishes halfway through to watch fireworks and give the campers freezie pops. After that, we went into our first cabin. The work crew gets to go into cabins to give the campers juice and meet them. It was a sweet experience, going into Muskrat Hollow for the first time ever. The kids in there were all great, and the leader was a cool dude.

Day 3 week 1: I don't really know much about this day either. Some new dishes, and our first sabbath night. I think this was also the day I got to hear my friend, Kara's story. Along with James. They had some great stories, and I loved getting to hear them. We went out to Wal-Mart and McDonald's or something, and just hung out for a while. Then we worshiped a little bit, and had a Bible Study. It was great fun, and we got some good time to rest.

Day 4 week 1: The biggest memory I got from this day was when we served our fifties night stuff, just because it is the easiest to do. We finished pretty quickly, and got to have a few milkshakes or "malkshakes" as Joel called them. It was awesome. The kids also got to hear the sin talk, which is what really makes the talks harder to listen to, and that's why we also start the prayer vigil, where we pick out a time slot to go and pray for the campers. The pits got 1 AM to 2 AM if you count the boys and girls time. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be haha

Day 5 week 1: When I woke up and realized it was already day 5, I couldn't believe it. I thought that the week was going very slowly, but I felt like it flew by. this day wasn't too memorable except for not having to go to work til like 11 because we had breakfast in bed instead of the dining hall. Naturally, a great start to the day. This was also one of the days where it became crunch time, because we had to wash everything for the buffet and it was a challenge. The night was great, because it was our first Work Crew/Summer Staff night because it was the same as the night of the 20 minutes, where the kids get to taste the experience of the time that we spend praying to God. I know I am put at peace by this time, and it's great. Getting to stand side by side with my new friends, Dan, and Jenna would be the greatest thing ever, and it was awesome getting to here my friends' stories for the first time. This was also the night that I met my Summer Staff buddy, Joe. Joe is an awesome guy, and would really be a great help to me throughout the entire month. The best part about this night was it was our first night sharing our testimonies with the cabins we had gone to earlier in the week. I went back into Muskrat Hollow and shared my story with the cabin. The kids kind of sat there awkwardly before I started and then they gave me a lacrosse stick, because that was what they used as their talking stick. Humorous, yes. I shared, and then they sat awkwardly again, so I just got up and left after the leader told me to haha. Awesome night.

Day 6 week 1: The last day of week 1. It was a great time. Brunch in the morning was kind of challenging and I can say it really taught me how to rely on the Lord's power. We went through the day, and I can say that it was a quick day. We went from washing dishes and cleaning Hobart to going to club and having a blast. We also got the joy of watching the Say-So, where kids openly announce that they had begun a relationship with the Lord. It was probably the best part of the week for most, if not all of us. It was such a great blessing to see that kids were literally going from death to life in front of our eyes. We then got to say goodbye to the campers and start cleaning. I didn't get the memo about pits, so I just stayed in House Mountain though haha. Whoops!

Day 1 week 2: New campers today. I got the pleasure of running the hot dog shack with Thomas, and I thought it was awesome. We got to welcome in a few campers, and then I got one of the biggest shocks of my life. A leader from Ohio, who did program while my area went to Saranac last year walks off the bus. It was awesome. Getting to see someone who I knew, knowing that I was serving them was awesome! I couldn't believe it, because I didn't expect to see anyone that I knew there. It was a great feeling. The day went exactly like the last week, with the only exception of a new Pits member has been added. Jonathan showed up day 6, late, and he was from Florida... Dang! I thought it was exciting. Little did I know we wouldn't have a great relationship.

Day 2 week 2: Today was a pretty fun day from what I can remember, no surprises, just a straight day of good fellowship and fun in the Pits. Played a bit of soccer, and basketball with some guys, and it was awesome.

Day 3 week 2: Today went by rather quickly, things were running smoothly, and all. Like the day before, no real surprises up until we got off for our sabbath. Little did I know, that on our sabbath, we would be taking a trip out of Rockbridge to the town right next to it. We went out to McDonald's and had dinner there, though I didn't eat because I had eaten a huge lunch, and wasn't hungry. We just chilled there for a while, then Kevin told us we'd be going to Wal-Mart. I don't know about you, but 40 teenagers let loose in Wal-Mart sounds like someone is asking for trouble, but nothing bad happened. Just hung out, put masks on, ran around our bosses, and looked at a few random things. All in all it was a great time. We went back and worshiped together and had a Bible Study. One of the best nights.

Most of the next days kind of just ran together, and they were all just normal days, with no surprises, and were basically a lot like the week before.

Day 2: Week 3: This day was awkward for me, cause I had started to have a sort of lonely feeling, cause for whatever reason I wasn't connected with my Work Crew friends yet. I was struggling with this feeling of loneliness and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't really close with anyone, and I thought I was going to tell someone, but didn't know who, so I talked to a few Summer Staffers about it.

Day 3 week 3:  This day was a lot like the day before, except I started to connect with people a bit more, especially those who were in the Pits with me. This is when I felt like we were really starting to become like family.

Day 4 week 3: Today was sooo weird. The Pits guys had realized that Kara wasn't with us, and we were wondering what was going on, Emily said she hadn't seen her, and we were worried. Next thing we know, Joel pulls us out and tells us that Kara will be leaving.. This was not a fun time afterwards. We get pulled out right before dinner to say goodbye, and from then things were very mellow for me. It was very saddening, and definitely not something. we wanted to see happen.

Day 5: week 3 Today was rather nice. Even though things were still mellow, having Work Crew/Summer Staff night was rather refreshing, and it really helped me to see that we were still there for a purpose. I didn't get to share my testimony tonight, and that kind of sucked, but I grew to be content. Prayed about it a lot, and got to read a little bit.

Day 6 week 3: Today was a sick blessing. I learned a little bit from this book I had been sent, and it really helped me a lot. I also started to grow close with my new great friend, Jordan, and that was really helping my sadness. The Say-so tonight was amazing, because I got to watch about 112 kids stand up and tell us they had begun the best relationship ever. It was great! Worshiping afterwards was amazing as well, just got to see the Lord working in me!

Day 0: We got this day off, and today was really the day I started to really trust my buddy, Jordan. We literally spent like all day together, and we went from working out, to the pool, to frolfing. It was amazing. I got to know him decently well, and I thought that the Lord was really answering a prayer. Got to chill with a lot of people. and really relax. After we had a surprise, which was a bonfire and time on the lake, which  the Work Crew guys won a round on the revolution, we were going to watch Sherlock Holmes, but I stayed and read a little cause I don't like Sherlock Holmes. It was a great day though!

Day 1 week 4: Today was awesome, got to spend a lot of time in prayer, and just really thinking about how the month was going. Never really thought that we'd get to see so much happen, and couldn't really believe we only had 2 more weeks left. I was on the hot dog shack today, and to my surprise, my friends Dan and Danger show up! I saw them, and then I was immediately excited to serve this week, cause I was serving 2 of my best friends. It was amazing!

Day 2 week 4: I kept growing today, not really understanding what was going on, but the Lord was definitely changing my heart, and helping me to get through. The book that I was reading definitely helped a lot, and seeing so many kids around camp was amazing. This day was good, cause work stopped seeming like work, and it was enjoyable! Great times right there.

Day 3 week 4: Our day today was fun filled, and I started really growing with everyone, because the Lord was really helping me to connect with people. It was an easy day, and things were going smoothly. Our Sabbath night was nice and chill. got to hang, and see a lot of great stuff. Learned a lot, and all that jazz. The Lord was at work

Day 4 week 4: Today would be a day that would, little to my knowledge, affect the rest of my month, and my current days. I had met a friend, that my friend, Brandie had told me to meet a month beforehand haha. Well, better late than never, right? Kayla and I talked a bit, and I hadn't really thought much of it, and then we just chilled a bit. It was sweet, but other than that, I grew a little bit more with the people I was directly with all of the time, and it was all in all a sweet day.

Day 5 week 4: Today went by rather quickly, and next thing I know it's Work Crew/Summer Staff night all over again. We went through, and I noticed my friend, Dan was crying. I prayed over him, though he didn't know it, and I thought that it was because he had really given his all that week. He had been working so hard, and it really showed. We went through the whole night, and I didn't think much about it. Then we went into Cabins again, and I had been selected for this cabin for a specific reason, and I thought it was great. I had met the 2 leaders who were both familiar with people from Roanoke, so it was sweet! I shared my testimony with that cabin, and it seemed that they listened pretty well. The questions were a bit off main topic, but it was still cool to get to share.

Day 6 week 4: Man, 4 weeks over with, and it didn't seem like we'd been there that long. We had all grown so close with each other, and we were all going nuts cause we hadn't heard everyone's testimony yet! We were distressed. The whole day went by quickly, and at the Say-So, about 5 to 8 dudes from my cabin had stood up, so I was very happy. I hope they're doing well, and I know that the Lord is still working in their hearts. It was a great day!

This week coming up would be one of the hardest weeks of our month. We didn't expect it to happen, but

Day 1 week 5: The last day 1, ever. We were not ready for that fact, but little did we know that we were also going to get hit by a huge storm right after dinner, and then next thing we know, the lights are out. Well, this wouldn't kill our great mood for whatever reason, so we coined the term, "No Power, No Problem!" We went on our way washing everything by hand, which would be one of the greatest challenges ever! We had an early lights out tonight, cause we all stayed out so late on night 5 week 4, so we stayed up and shared testimonies with each other. It was sweet!

Day 2 week 5: Power's still out, didn't know that we'd eventually get taken in by monotony and get rather bored doing dishes. Using paper cups and plates, and plastic cutlery made things easier, but still washing things was awful! We had our 50s night dinner on this night cause it made things easier, and we still brought Juice.... well, Coca Cola to the cabins. I went to a cabin with kids from Norway! Which was one of the best experiences ever. We introduced the Gypsy Pits today, and we washed dishes outside with the juice trash cans and it made things a little better. We got to have a little fun, and it was great!

Day 3 week 5: Well today's breakfast was fun, cause nothing really was going on, and we were still using our regular Pits to wash dishes. It got  to be a little weird, but it was alright! The next thing that happened would change the course of the week. I was walking something back to where it belonged, and then the next thing I knew, I hear the kitchen intern run in yelling "It's about to come on!" Then about 3 seconds later, God said, "Let there be light!". The lights came on, and we all started screaming at the top of our lungs! We got so excited and we were going insane! We then had like a kitchen party when we finally got Hobart to turn on, and we could start washing dishes regularly again. Never before had I seen so many people go nuts over power. #21stcenturyprobz.

Day 4 week 5: Today would end up being the day the changed my outlook on a few things. I had been learning so much, and trying my best to work as hard as I could, and get everything done so that we could, as an old football friend would say, "Do it right, do it light". We were gaining our rhythm back, and it was great. Then I was also given a little revelation about myself... As we got ready for 50s night, I had the hair slicked back, the white T with the rolled up sleeves on, and the sharpie tattoo in place, I had thought long and hard about life, and what was going on. I had a friend's name in the sharpie heart tattoo, and I was getting asked about who she was. All I answered with was "A friend back home". I talked to the kitchen intern, who is going to be a great leader at FCHS next year, about it, and about 30 seconds later, I realized that something was not right about it. I realized that I had kind of had an emotional change recently, and I realized my heart had changed. I no longer had the feelings for my "friend back home" but I had grown some feelings for a friend on WC with me. I prayed about it and the results were quick.

Day 5 week 5: Today was a great day, and I was happy because I had been growing a lot and thinking about everything that had gone on. I had the intent to talk to my friend about what I had realized about myself, and so right after we got done washing the lunch dishes, I went and started to talk to him about it, and then in the middle of it all, she walked in. Of all the awkward moments, right? So I told my friend we'd finish talking later, and chilled with her for a bit, just talking about stuff. When I found him later, I said "That was awkward", and he got what I meant. For some reason, unless this actually happened the day before, the rest of the day dragged on, and then it's Work Crew/Summer Staff night! We had all worked so hard, and we were all ready for tonight! I had also just loved it. We were all already crying by this point, cause we knew it would be our last. We got done, and we couldn't keep it in, we just hugged and cried for a while, then went to the cabins. I went into the Norway Cabin with Joe, and got to share my testimony with them, and they asked some great questions, and it was great! Also, they were in the cabin I had gone to Weeks 1,2,4, and 5! So I had been there a lot. I stayed at the Dining Hall to wait for the girl who I had feelings for, who had gone to the Norway girls cabin and asked her how it went, and we talked, and then we decided that we wanted to hear each others' stories. So we decided we'd do it day 6. We went to sleep and then it began. P.S. Today was the day my prayers from the night before started being answered, but I won't say when

Day 6 week 5: Today was awesome, but sad, glorious, but heart wrenching, and we were all still working our hardest. It went by slowly, thankfully, and right after I had finished with the brunch dishes, I went back to House Mountain to wait, cause I had a story to hear. I just read a little, and looked at the SuDoKu book, which confused me, cause I could never do those things. Then my friend who I had feelings for showed up, and we went over to the store, and she got a few things, and then we went under a tree, and shared our testimonies with each other. She has a sweet story, no matter what she says, and then we just hung out til Dinner, so yeah. I had talked to my friend, Jordan, who was the only one who knew about my feelings for her, and he was always listening, even though I would have been annoyed by now, so thanks to him for putting up with me! haha. We had all decided to stay up late, and I told Jordan that I had planned on telling this girl that I had feelings for that I had said feelings. Well he encouraged me, and all I needed, was opportunity. Well, it came, but because I have been very bad with "heat of the moment" situations, I just enjoyed her presence, and hung out with her til about 3:30 AM. She went to bed, and I was just beating myself up, cause I hadn't told her, and it was just dumb. I had told my friend Mike who was on Summer Staff about it, and he encouraged me as well, but I still didn't.

Final day: I woke up, still kicking myself out of frustration, but I got all my crap together, told Mike and Jordan that I hadn't done it yet, and they both told me to do it if I could, so after Jordan had left, which put me in tears immediately, and I put my stuff in Ruthiey's car, I had made my mind up... It was going to happen, then, there, and nothing was stopping me! Luckily, another opportunity arose, and I was walking with her to the Veranda, and on the way, I told her the entire story. Probably bad timing on my part, but it had to be said. We were both already crying, and that wasn't changing. We said goodbye to people as they left, and then I had to go. I hugged everyone who was there one final time, and left. The ride home was good, until the last 3 hours.... Funny, if you recall from earlier, it is a 50ish minute car ride to Rockbridge.... We got in a wreck on the way, and that slowed things down. So sad, and bruised, we eventually all made it home, and all was well.


This is what I can remember of the greatest month of my life. I encourage any of you who are thinking about doing Work Crew, or Summer Staff to jump in! Your life will be changed! It was weird coming home, and not waking up with 11 other guys, in Rockbridge, but my life is forever changed! I met some great kids, and nothing will be the same! I pray that you'd partake in the great experience of serving for a month!

I also recommend the book "Do Hard Things" by Alex and Brett Harris. It helped me a lot during this month, and is the book I was referencing.

I love you guys
TJ



I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit, unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches, if a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing. If a man does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers. Such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete. My command to you is this: Love each other, as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:1-13

Work Crew/ Best Month Ever Foreword

This past month was one of the hardest, yet one of the most fulfilling months of my life. From laughter to tears, to great ups, and harsh downs. Things were hectic. Hearing the stories that my new friends have, and getting to know many of them on deep levels was so great. From our late night talks, to our midnight debates. Though some people were hard to connect with, and others couldn't have been easier, it just became greater and greater. I know it happens at times, but somehow things just clicked.

Rihanna may have found love in a hopeless place, but this kind of love came in a very hopeful place.

I'll be back soon to tell all this in detail.

I missed you guys
I love you!
TJ

Back To The Basics of Fellowship

I just watched Francis Chan's Basic.Fellowship. This stuck out to me over all the other Basic videos because Francis talks about how this kid who went to his church to get baptized stopped going because he thought it was going to be like the gang life. When he was initiated into the gang, he had people who cared for him, and had his back. When he was baptized, however, people were only behind him on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights. They didn't care about him 5 out of 7 days of the week.

I don't know if it's just because all of my friends have forgotten about fellowship, but it seems that my entire group of friends that I had 2 short years ago have all faded away. Myself included. They aren't sharing in fellowship with the occasional exception of Sunday Morning, and MAYBE at Wyldlife. Whenever Christ is not the center of focus for anyone, they seem to forget Him. At school, mostly at lunch, we aren't asking each other about how we can be praying for each other, and we wonder why no one wants to go to Young Life or other things with us. Because we have allowed ourselves to become like the world, and started living to the world's standard. I don't know about any of the other guys, but I'm sick of it. People aren't going to want to go to things unless they see that we are real about it, and Jesus told us in John 13:35  "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." If you ask me, we do a crappy job of loving each other. My friends and I suck at it. We used to have some of the best fellowship ever, and I still believe that Roanoke has the best, but between my friends and me, we are not doing well at all. They probably don't think that this is so, because they can just go hang out with each other at will.  I don't know if it's different when I'm not there, but I've been with them outside of school, when they are around just each other. There is no change. It seems that we have forgotten that even though we are not in the center of our ministries, we are still in the mission field. People hound on Christians for not acting out their beliefs. So basically my friends and I should be hounded like no other for it, because we suck at it.

Chan's video said that the gang that boy was in did a better job of showing family than the church did. There is NO reason a GANG should be a better family site than a group of believers. It's not acceptable. I don't see why everyone who is a believer sits back and watches this happen. We need to call each other out on this, (With love, not anger), because it seems that because there is no way that we can recover from this if we are unaware. There is also no way we can get stronger from this unless we are pushed by each other to actually make something of it. I view this just like I view football practice. There is no way that a player can get better at football if he isn't being pushed by his teammates. Neither can we get better with not falling to temptation, or loving lost kids, if we are not pushed by other believers to want to get better. We have a team in this fight. It's the body of Christ. We are all in this together, so I don't understand why we think that we have to go it alone. There is no reason that we should be okay with just going through life without Christ, or even without the body to help us through. In the Basic video, Francis says that we were not made to go through this life alone. We were made to have fellowship with other believers. Our teammates are meant to be there for us to the very end. Just because we are different ages, or anything like that is no excuse. I don't believe that my friends and I have done a very good job of pushing each other to be better Christians.


Just something that has been on my mind, and was confirmed when I watched the video.

I love you guys.
TJ

Closer to Love

Yesterday morning, I was riding with my friend, Michael to have some breakfast with a few other people. As much as I love having fellowship, and as much as I will brag on Roanoke for having one of the closest families in Christ that I know of, none of that is what I want to talk about.

What I am actually here for tonight, is to point something out that I know I am guilty of, and that many other people are. I know what I will say is kind of an unusual way to look at it, and that it's not always just that easy, but  it's still something I would love to experience again.

Michael and I were listening to Star Country, one of my favorite radio stations, and there was a song that came on. I thought it was a completely different song, but then I heard Michael say "Man, this song is depressing", or something like that. At that point two things happened in my head, 1: I hoped he would not change the station, cause I was curious, and 2: why it was depressing.

So the words come up and the first line goes "The young girls parents never took her to church, never spoke of His Name, never read her His word." At that point I figured it was going to be a song that was all about Christ, and in fact it turned out to be much more.

The song was a story about how a little girl whose parents never once mentioned the name of Christ to this little girl eventually got to a point where the dad was in a drunken rage and killed the girl's mom, and then shot himself.

This next part is the main reason I am here right now.

Towards the end of the song, there is a line that says "I know that man up there on that cross. I don't know His name, but I know He got off. Cause he was there in, my old house, and He held me close to His side. As I hid there, behind our couch, the night that my parents died."

I got to that part, and of course I got to thinking about how this little girl, who had never been told a word about Jesus, never had the Bible to read, or even listen to. Never been told a thing about the Lord, could believe that Jesus was there when her parents died, just from the sole fact that she was staring at a picture of Him at Sunday School. I was amazed.

Then of course I got to thinking about my own life. Why couldn't I still believe that Jesus is THAT evident when I need Him. This little girl had never known a lick of Him, and knew it the second she saw the picture that it was Him, and then openly told people about the fact that He was holding her, just like He does for each and every one of us. As compared to me, someone who basically grew up knowing the overall message of the gospel, and hearing the "Jesus died for your sins" thing. Even before I was a believer, I knew more about Christ than that girl had ever dreamed about, but yet it's easier for her to believe the very first time she sees Him, than it is for me on the thousandth time. I don't think that makes a lot of sense.

I know that it isn't always that evident. Jesus doesn't literally, flesh, blood, and all that jazz show up and hold us. I believe that He is always there though. I last experienced this over summer, when I was worried about the place that I was going to live and where I was going to school. One day, I was just sitting there, becoming mildly-depressed and on the verge of just giving up everything that my life had been about and just going through life like I had before I even met Christ the first time. Then I literally saw Him, sitting with me. He just sat there, comforting me, even though there was nothing I could do about what was going to happen. My fate was in other people's hands. Or so I thought. My fate has been, and always will be in His hands, but that's a whole 'nother story altogether.


I wish I could experience this kind of thing all the time. I never literally see Him in what seem to be my "down times" I have to know that I do not live a life by sight. I live my life by faith, and those times when He literally reveals Himself to you are the times that I wish I could have a lot more. I'm not saying I want my life to be harder, but I do want to have so much Christ welling up inside of me, that He is evident not only to me, but to everyone I talk to.


Heck, if a little girl, who was never given the chance to know who Jesus is by her parents can believe like that, why can't I? God gave this ability to each and every one of us. I want to know, that no matter if I'm happy, sad, angry, or scared, that the Lord is sitting there with me, comforting me, telling me He loves me, and that nothing bad will happen. At least nothing that He can't handle. After all, He is God. He already knows what is going to happen to me, so why should I worry about what is going on? He is a timeless God, and what has yet to happen to us, has already gone through for Him. He knows the outcome, so I should just continue to look to Him, and as John 15 says, remain in the word, and in His love.



I hope this motivates you to, as Lecrae says "Go hard for the Lord". Chase after Him with all that you have, because nothing bad that can happen to you is too much for Him to handle!


I hope you get to encounter Christ in this way as well. There is nothing more exciting than to literally see the Creator sitting next to you. It is an amazing feeling.


I love you guys!
TJ

Enthusiasm Is Key

Last night, we played our cross-town rival. We had more enthusiasm going into this game than we did for every game we have played thus far, all combined. I do believe that it was important.

We probably played the best soccer we've played all year because of the enthusiasm that went into the game. We were ready, because we know that the winner of this game gets more than just 3 points that go into the district seeding. It was about bragging rights, and showing who was better. Sadly, the game ended in a tie.

Going away from sports, I do believe that we should have a raging enthusiasm for the things that we do for the Lord. When we just know that the Lord is calling us to something, why aren't we hopping enthusiastically for this? The Lord wants to use you, so why don't we jump at the first chance we have to do this for Him? If the the Lord wants to use you, go! It's a great privelage to be able to go and build a relationship with someone because of the Lord.

Enthusiasm helps greatly when it comes to building relationships. When you go into something with no enthusiasm, people will notice, and their only assumption will be that you don't actually care about what you're doing. When you come into something with a lot of enthusiasm,  people will notice that you are doing something that you are passionate about. When you have a passion for the thing that you are doing, people will see it. People will know that you mean what you say about it, and people will know that you have a heart for what you are doing.

This kind of convicted me last night, because I tend to only get enthusiastic for things when I get there, when I should be enthusiastic for every single game, every single practice, and even more so, I should be enthusiastic about every single day that I get to spend, looking to the Lord, hearing His calling for me. I'm tired of going out every single day with no energy. I need to start being more enthusiastic with my time, and that enthusiasm will bleed through to everyone else. It only takes one catalyst to be like a virus to spread the ethusiasm to a group of people. Honestly, when we are enthusiastic about something, it will cause others to become enthusiastic about the thing that you are.

I hope that this will help you to see that enthusiasm is one of, if not the most important thing to have in life.


I love you guys!
TJ

The Tightest Community

I think that this is something that everyone should have, but I know for a fact that not everyone does. I believe that I am really blessed to live where I do, and be with the guys and girls that I'm with. Why? You ask? Well, it's as simple as this.

I believe and have been told that others believe that Roanoke has probably the tightest community of believers. We have so many people around us that we can be real with, that we can tell anthing to, and that we trust. One thing I never thought about though, was the fact that all of us have the exact same vision for our friends. We not only have those of us who are constantly building everyone up, and those who really can understand things quickly, but we have the same view on the kids in the Roanoke area.

This vision helps us all. Because we all have the same vision, we can not only tell everyone how things are going when we talk about the kids that we are reaching out to, or tell them when things aren't going well, but we can let each other know when we notice when something's down. I never noticed it, but I can think of one example of how one leader not only did a small thing that will help out the club overall in a big way, but it will no doubt affect my leading towards people.

My friend noticed at Wyld Life one night that this kid was all alone. Those who know what Wyld Life is about should know that no kid should ever be alone. We don't think this is acceptable. The other thing she noticed was that he had an uncomfortable look on his face. Again, this is not good, we want everyone at club to feel welcomed, and knowing that she came to me (Though I'm sure she would have gone to any other leader who was there if she saw them first), and told me that a kid was standing alone, and looking uncomfortable. She then asked me if I could go love on this kid. Because we have the same vision for our kids, this wasn't a hard thing to think about.

I don't want that story to build up me or my friend, but it is to build up the Lord, for putting that vision in both of our hearts, but also because that vision is in all the leader's hearts. Because without the Lord looking out for us, we would not be able to love these kids with that vision of showing them Christ. I love the fact that the many, many leaders we have share that vision. One of my Young Life leaders talks a lot about how kids will "catch the vision". I believe that the reason that some kids will "Catch the vision" is because through Young Life, we share that vision with our friends who go and hang out with us there. It's not a secret, and I'm sure that the Lord is putting that vision in every Young Life ministry area in the world.

I just wanted to say thanks to my Roanoke family for being so tight, and for showing me, once again, that we are a tighter community than I seem to believe.

Just today

As well all know, this is a day that a lot of people tend to wait for in every year. They save their money, and make sure that they don't have any chance of losing it until today, because they just want to use it on something
The only problem with this, is that something very many times leads to a destructive life. It leads to many bad choices, and also broken relationships.

The something I'm talking about, if you haven't already guessed, is weed.

Now I won't be the guy to deny he's done this stuff. I used to be someone who looked forward to a weekend, just because I was going to be able to get high and forget everything about the week. I used to hang out with people, just for the sake of them having some weed that I could smoke with them. Isn't that a really bad way to say someone is your friend? If the person that I was hanging out with didn't have any, I would look to the next person who would have it.

This is not good. I based my friendships on this, and needless to say, 95% of the people that I smoked weed with back then, are not my friends anymore. Not because of the fact that they smoke, it's just we've drifted since I quit smoking, and I moved among other things. The biggest problem was that the relationship was based wholly on weed. Something that doesn't love me back. Something that doesn't give me complete life. The only friends I still have that do it, are people that I rarely talk to, because all they talk about is the fact that they were the last people I ever smoked with.

I don't like knowing that I used to be the kid who looked forward to this day. I hate the fact that I was having my relationships come from something other than a God that doesn't leave me. A God that loves me wholly. A God that no matter how much we mess up, loves us. Unconditionally. A God that will save me time and time again, and a God that suffered death, even death on a cross.

At the same time though, I wouldn't have traded any of those days, for 100 years the other way. Those days made me into who I am now, and even though they aren't the proudest moments in my life, they have built a story, that I can tell to people, that may actually be a thing that changes their lives. It has given me a testimony about how Christ has saved me from myself. It's given me the ability to be able to tell people that I have been on the other side of the tracks. I have messed up, and I lived away from God, but God still came out and saved me.

As a testimony to the King, even though this is one of the most dreaded days of the year for me, I can honestly say that there isn't a better reminder to myself, and hopefully many other people that the Lord has brought out of that life, that this is reality. People are going to smoke weed today. People are going to continue to throw their lives away. People are broken. As Jesus' disciples, we must ask ourselves a very important question


The question we must ask ourselves is the same question Jesus asked Peter. "Do you love me?" We need to ask ourselves if we really love Jesus. Because the next thing Jesus says after Peter says "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you", is "Feed my sheep" Well, this seems like a weird request. Asking someone to feed your sheep just because they love you seems kind of manipulative.

Feeding Jesus's sheep doens't have anything to do with physical food though. It doens't even have to do with legitmate sheep. Jesus's sheep, are the people in this world who have not gotten a chance to hear the gospel. They are the people we go through life with every single day. They are the people that we see at school every single day. The people that we know just need life. Feeding them is letting them hear the gospel. Teaching them that there is more out there, and the fact they they were made for more. We need to ask ourselves if we really love Jesus, and then we need to go and teach the gospel.

Christ gives us this command as clear as can be in Matthew 28:19-20 by saying "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you, and surely I will be with you, always. Even to the end of the age." He tells us to do this, but we can't do this unless we really do love Him. Because our love for Him will become and overflow that allows us to run after our friends who don't have a relationship with Him.

So I hope that even though today isn't a day known for Christ, that Christ would still be evident for you

I love you guys
TJ

Don't Speak About It, Be About It.

Lately I have had a sense of hearing people say the things that they want to do, be it, be closer to God, being real and intentional about the way they feel about people, actually going out and bettering yourself, or any other thing. The big thing that has been happening is people aren't acting out the things that they want to do, or that they say they're are about.

We have all probably heard the phrase, "Be true to yourself". I think that this phrase speaks more than most people want to take it, because a lot of people only see it has stand up for the things that you believe in, and while this is true, I think that there is more to it than that. I also think it means that you have to act out what you say. Another way of saying what I'm trying to say is, don't just talk the talk. You also gotta walk the walk.

The biggest reason that I am writing about this is the sole fact that someone I know pretty well has said that he is a follower of Christ, but he has done nothing to actually show, and the only reason that you do things to show that you are a follower of Christ is because that the love that you have for Him overflows, and you can't help but to want to do things to serve Him. He says he wants to better himself, and that he's going to change, but day after day that I get to see him, the only thing that has changed is the thing he does that isn't what he says he wants to do. I do believe totally that this is a direct result of the lack of spending time with the Lord to really get an accurate picture of who Jesus is, and how He lived.

A few other reasons I am here right now is because there are many times in my life where I say I wanna be better at something, be it soccer, football, school, or any other thing that I may take part of, but I simply do not make a conscious effort to do anything about it. This is a message to myself, and anyone else who has seen that people aren't actually doing what they say that want to do, or aren't really about what they say they are.

The first thing I can really say to those like this is MAN UP! Most of the people who will read this and are in this boat will be about my age or older, so all I can say is it's time to start acting like it. When you're around the age of 17 or older is about time that you started to act out what you believe in, and what you say.

To those of you who may be struggling with the fact that you are a follower, but you aren't really showing it, Christ has called you out on this. In the verse Revelation 3:16, God says "So because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." God is telling us that because we aren't exactly living out the life that we should, we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He will ask us if we knew Him, and though we say yes, our actions won't say it, and He will say "Away from me, for I never knew you" This is a serious call to say that we can't just say it, we must be it.

To those who are looking to better themselves in some way, the first thing you really need to look at is do you really NEED to better yourself? Or should you just be happy with the way you are, since you are the way you are for a reason. The second is, are you willing to work? Nothing ever comes without something being sacrificed. In order to lose weight, one must sacrifice bad eating habits for good ones; time spent watching television for working out, or running/walking; other sedentary things that won't help you. For those who want to be stronger physically, they must sacrifice a lot of time from doing other things like hanging out with friends, or video games for time spent in the gym, and doing other things that will benefit you and the sedentary lifestyle which they may live that makes it hard for them to have the motivation or energy to work out.. The term, "you reap what you sow" fits here. You get out of it what you put in.

To those who say they want to be nicer to more people, or they want to start getting to know someone, or they want to mend a broken relationship, I would say the first thing is, do you think this friendship will help you? Or will it just end up hurting you in the long run? After that, the hardest part about all this stuff is fear. The initial fear of meeting new people is a fright everyone in life takes part in. Being a Wyld Life leader, I have this fear arise each and every day. Because the 8th graders are in my school this year, I have a lot of time that I could spend meeting people, and I must confess that I haven't been intentional about that. It's hard to meet new kids and earn their trust. With that girl or guy in the hall, that fear you get that you may be rejected off the bat is a common one for many people. The butterflies that sit in your stomach cause for whatever reason you thought swallowing a butterfly whole was a good idea, start to get to you, and you can't bring yourself to beat them. We all go through it once in a while, but there gets to be a time where you have to ask yourself if you ever really wanted to chase that relationship. There is a time where you have to buckle down, and just go for it. Chances are the leap of faith that you take will get you to your desired destination, and even if it doesn't, you've gone and made yourself a new friend.

One thing that I personally have been going through is I keep saying that I am going to make my grades better. I keep having that goal of getting the A, B honor roll, or some crazy thing like that. My problem is, I don't do anything to earn it. I have this weird thing in my mind that says "I think, therefore it is." Which can be a really destructive way to live your life. IF you go through life thinking that you want to make yourself better, or thinking that you are going to talk to that girl in the hall, or thinking that you are going to start being intentional about your relationships, be it with Christ or another person, but you do nothing to really make it happen, all you are really doing is cheating yourself out of a great life. I need to stop thinking that just because I think I'm going to make good grades, that it will actually happen. I need to put in some work, which requires sacrifices all over my life. I need to take time away from facebook, or even sports, or something like that, and use that time to go into doing my homework, to give me that practice that I need to be able to do the things right. I need to take away from the staying up for all hours of the night for getting better sleep habits because if I keep doing things the way I do now, I'll be screwed next year. Pray that the Lord would instill in me, a work ethic that doesn't lead to disaster, and that I would be intentional about working towards it.

I hope this may inspire you to be real about things, take some risks in your life.

I love you guys
TJ