Lost and Insecure

I've noticed that I do much more thinking recently than normal. I think about everything that's going on, the things that I have to go through, the things that others have to go through and I wonder why things are going the way they are. Why do I think so much though? I loved it when I didn't have to think about anything in the world, but yet, I could still be happy, and not have a problem getting my life on track. Now that I think so much, I can't help but to come across the thoughts of how bad my outlook on myself is. I think about the way things used to be, and see how they are now, and I don't get what changed between now and then, but I am not happy with the way things are. This struggle is a completely different struggle. The only person that I have to talk to whenever I talk to him, is my youth pastor. Everyone else that I can talk to lives in other places, and has their own schedule. I can't interrupt them to talk about me. I guess that the other thing that I have to say is that my mind is working double overtime. I not only overthink everything that I think about. I also have to deal with the fact that I think about a whole bunch of things. Yesterday a whole new concept came to me, and now I'm being forced to think about what I'm going to do there. It is very annoying. I just want this constant thinking to stop. I can't believe that I went from no stress at all, to all the stress in the world. I don't want to have the stress, but I can't help myself in not wanting to let go of everything that I don't really need. The things that I want to do need to be put on hold for a while, until the things in the situation are done with. The problem is, more problems keep coming on. The only lucky thing is that I have the Lord. I honestly have no idea what I am going to do, but in this sense, I wouldn't know what I would even have if I didn't have Him. If He didn't love me enough to show me that I am still worth it to Him, and if He didn't show me every day how much He loves me, then I seriously would never know what I would do. In there is the only place that I can look. No, I can't say that I have been happy, or joyful recently. I have so much trouble with thinking of the things that the Lord tells me. I know that I can quote things that the Bible says the Lord thinks of me, but I know that it's so much harder than that, because I am not a perfect person.

This is the one thing I know I need. The Lord found me. Now there's nothing I can't do. I am trying to better myself mentally. Things are hard, but the Lord makes them easier.