This past week has been a different kind of hell that I've never really known. Having to go through each day knowing that there isn't one person on this new team that I know, or that I think I can totally trust is making each day harder and harder. There are a few guys I can talk to, and it's getting easier to talk to the guys, but I still don't think there's much of a chance of me really getting to know any of these guys. It's just something that I don't think I'm ready for.
The biggest part that makes the last week so bad is that I don't want to be where I am. I don't want the colors I'm wearing. I would much rather be at Cave Spring, where I have been welcomed in with open arms, even back when I was just starting. People there were just accepting. At this new school, that's not existent. I'm not welcomed by the people there. The coaches, the players, barely even the JVs. There are 2 people who were happy to see a new face, but now it's just like they don't care. It's really based on how good you are at playing football on how the guys on the team view you. I don't like being judged based on how well I catch the ball, or how hard I hit someone. While yes, a big hit fires everyone up, that's not what I'm playing for. I remember when I was simply playing because I loved football. Why can't that be the reason to play?
My biggest problem with the team so far is that many of them are either out of shape, or don't wanna work as hard as they can. I know that at Cave Spring, this never, NEVER would have been tolerated. People walk onto the field as if we have the whole year to get there, and then they don't want to work. Now I can understand if you just want a small break, but it's every time.
The worst part about this though, I'm NOT at all excited to play this year. I don't like that at all. It's really because a big part about being human for me is I need to be reminded a lot of the time that not everyone has the chance that I have right now. Coach Fulton STRESSED that. People every day watch football and want to be a part of it, and something about them says they can't. Be it a mental disability, a physical problem, like paralysis, or something like that. It's just something that many of us take for granted, and I'm no different in that respect. I just need that constant reminder that says "You are blessed to be able to walk onto this field today"
To sum this whole thing up into one sentence; I'm not enjoying football for Patrick Henry. I don't like it, and I'm not sure how I can make myself want football. I just want to go back to the great red and black. The team where I basically got my start at football, and the team I will hopefully get to end my go at High School football. I don't feel at home, and I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here. Only one thing has kept me going
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
If I didn't have Christ right now, I would have said I'm done with football at PH. The only reason I'm staying with it, is because I think there is something for me here, I just don't know where it is.
I may be hating every minute at practice, but I know there's a reason I'm here.
I love you guys.
TJ
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