Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
Just hanging by a moment here with You
I'm living for the only thing I know
Running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with You
There are a few reasons that this song has been resting so heavily on my heart. The first reason is, my brother showed me this song for the first time. My non-believing brother, showed me a Christian based song. It's the best thing and Praise God for it
The second reason is that most of my recent life has been described in just these two Stanzas of the song..
Letting go of all I've held onto:
There are a lot of things that I have been holding onto in my recent past that I can say I no longer have to deal with. The first thing involves someone else. The second, something I used to love.
The first thing I've let go of is someone who I still hold near and dear to my heart. I used to like this person, like a lot. She helped me start to realize that I don't need club, or a Bible study in order to get into the Word. She helped me come to my senses when it came to having a personal relationship with Christ. The things she was learning sometimes went along with the things I was learning, and I was sure glad that she and I were going through Sophomore year together. The biggest thing about this was something I should have known or at least thought about before I started letting myself get sucked too far in, and I can honestly say, I failed at that. She had her head on straight, and she was thinking about the things that mattered in life, and kept concentrating on that while people like me were just distractions coming her way. That's one thing she's really got going for her, she has some intense focus. She actually helped me in letting me know that she's not thinking about that stuff, because I've been learning recently about having a real "tunnel vision" towards Jesus. Weird how He uses things like that. Long story short, God definitely used her to grow me a little bit. I'm happy for that, but I'm also happy my heart's finally letting itself be set free from that one thing. It wasn't helping me to try and be that connected to her. Yeah, I still think she's probably one of the most awesome girls I've ever met, but she's got a very bright future ahead of her and she's focusing for it.
The second thing that I have let go of is something that I used to have the most passion for, and I must say it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but what had to be done, had to be done. I must say though, it's only been like 2 days, and I can tell that I have made the right decision. The second thing I've let go of is football. Whether this is just because of PH, or because I know that I too have to focus on my future, and what's going to get me places. I chose to give this up because I wasn't having fun, I wasn't getting any better, and truthfully, I just wanted time to get ready for college. I have to raise my grades. I have to do many things that will boost my GPA, and I have to get ready for my SAT's and all that junk. I can't have football getting in the way of the things I have to do, because I just don't have the time to do all the things I'm assigned usually. I also have bad memory because my pent up anger that comes from football covers everything I had to do. I'm very easily lost in thoughts. When I made this decision, Goody just happened to show up. This definitely wasn't an accident. I sure as heck didn't see the man walk in. He came out and I told him about my decision, and he prayed with me. This is the best thing that could have happened in this situation, because right then, I realized that a great burden had been lifted from me. I was also much happier in school today.
Standing here until you make me move:
With that decision to give up football, I wanted to make sure it was something that would help me grow closer to Jesus, and from what I can see so far, it has been. I stood and went through it, until Jesus told me that it was the right thing to do. I've also been waiting for Jesus to put kids in the school on my heart before I just start blindly reaching out to people. So far, more people have grown to be my friend through that, rather than what I did last year, with trying to get any and everyone into the groove of whatever I was talking about. It works, just let Jesus take the wheel.
Living for the only thing I know:
I think this is just a simple explanation of High School since April of my freshman year. April 5th of my freshman year. The day that changed my whole life. Ever since then, I've been living for the only thing that is unchanging. Everyone has changed since then, and only one person has managed to completely stay the same. Jesus Christ.
Running and not quite sure where to go:
What this is saying about my life is that I've basically started just running somewhere. Where that place is has not yet been determined, but this goes with me, because God's trying to teach me something with being at PH, and I'm not sure exactly what it is yet. I've just gotta keep trusting that whatever He's teaching me will be useful next year be me at Cave Spring, Hidden Valley, PH, or wherever I'm taken. It's about freaking time I've had this kind of "adventure" in my walk with Jesus.I feel as if there hasn't been much of this, but God's answering a prayer by giving me this challenge. Trusting that His plan is good, while He slowly reveals the things He's trying to teach me by taking me away from the things I was comfortable with and taking me into a place where comfort is a foreign concept.
I don't know what I've diving into:
Like the last line says, I have no clue where Jesus is taking me right now, but I can definitely see that it is part of His master plan for my life. I have no idea what I've diving into, but I know why, and for what reason I am, so I just need to go to work on it, and take that proverbial "Leap of Faith" It's been a good long while before I've had to take one of those. Oh, how I love those :)
Hanging by a moment here with You:
When you think about it. In the eternity that is God, we are but a moment on His timeline. He's timeless, so the 50-60-70 or more years we live on this earth may seem like forever to us, but to God, close to no time has gone by when we finally get to see His face. We've gotta hang onto Him for this small moment we have on this earth to find where He is. Once we've found Him, we need to cling to Him
We are but a moment to God, so why not just praise Him every single day for the things He's doing in our lives, and the lives of the boys and girls we reach out to every day.
Like it says in The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco,
"Never, ever put 'em down,
You just lift your arms higher.
Raise 'em til your arms tire,
Let 'em know your there
That you strugglin, survivin'
That you gon' persevere,"
I love you guys.
TJ
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